TOO MUCH

Almost a month since I posted...a disgrace.

Life is hectic. Why must it be so hectic? Right now I really just want to kick back and forget about the world. I feel like it is all crashing down on me and me strength has faded. I can't push up anymore and I begin to suffocate under the weight of it. And so the call to God comes in. I call out and call out and call out and He answers, but something else always seems to come up.

Here's the deal. My husband was gone for sixteen days of July; first six and then ten. Ten being the most days we have been apart during our marriage. A shock I'm sure, but the truth anyhow.

During the first trip I injured my back to a point of not being able to get up off of the floor. This, of course, happened one hour into his trip. It was humiliating and incredibly painful. It has now been three weeks and one day and I hate to report that it still hurts. I have become quite fond of Lortab and have therefore put a limit on them!

Because of the time away, Owen has not done anything on the house in July. Our list remains the same in length. I am stressed beyond repair. We are going to have to get some help or there is no way we will finish in any sort of reasonable time frame.

Last week Jason's and Kris's good friends Ryan and Alisa, who I consider friends as well, lost their son 36 hours after he was born. I knew that he was born and that there were problems, but we were hoping and praying for a miracle. I got the call that they were going to take him off of life support while waiting at Alicia's to go down to help Susie during her labor. Talk about a strange and contradictory set of emotions. Thankfully Susie and Aaron had a healthy baby girl named Brecklyn. She's a beauty.

God has given me a burden to pray for Ryan and Alisa. It is an honor, but very difficult and draining. I went to his funeral on Tuesday which was really nice. Jason said a prayer at the graveside service which without doubt touched everyone deeply.

This kind of loss causes one to examine life anew. I am so incredibly thankful that my children are healthy, beautiful, smart and fully alive. And at the same time I remember my #1, little Tigger, and I miss him. I hope that Tigger and Tobin (Ryan and Alisa'a boy) find each other in Heaven and have lots of fun. It is good to know that they will not have to suffer the pain this world hands out.

On that note, I pray, Lord, please help me to endure whatever this world sets in front of me. And please help me to find joy in everything possible. Please use my stress and pain to strengthen and support me on my journey.

I love you all so much. This is another thing I have realized, we don't tell each other our true feelings often enough. So, Jason, Jenell, Jen, J., Marlene, Todd, Shawn, Jami, Lenny, Linda (and others who anonymously read my blog) I love you. I really do and you all mean something different and very important to me. My life would not be complete without you.