KEEP TALKING

The past week was interesting. I had a couple of days when old thoughts and feelings were creeping in on me. I was trying to deny it and go on, but finally had to fess up because I was getting grumpy with everyone and Owen was really wondering what was up.

After much prayer and talking it through I realized that since I had told everyone about what had happened in my life I had created an expectation on myself that I now had to "live up to my deliverance". What a stupid lie! So after identifying it I know how to defeat it. I have realized the truth that no one expects me to live up to it and no one is offended if I ask for prayer.

God has talked to me and told me that I have to continually bring it all to Him to deal with. Satan is not finished harassing me just because I have had breakthrough. He is probably going to try harder now that I know God has a plan for me. I have been struggling with asthma this week too and not to overspiritualize things, but I think it is an attack as well. I believe that he (Satan) will do whatever he can to get me down. He probably knows God has a big plan and I can promise you it will not be to his benefit!

I can assure you that I have a fight in me that nobody has seen for a very long time. I would love for everything to be easy and simple, but since that is not reality, I am stoked to get it on! I am ready to fight. It sure helps to have the security of believing that God has got my back! (He told me so!) And it is very nice to be hearing Him when He talks to me. So, Lord, keep talking.

P.S. My parents got the house, but I still do not know when they will be leaving as they do not yet know. I think they close May 18th. (?) Keep praying for direction for me and Owen. Please just pray for God's will and for us to hear clearly. We are hearing some things from God, but we are not totally sure. This is one of the biggest decisions we have faced in our marriage. The idea of moving is exciting while totally terrifying and most of all we want to be in God's will. Remember: He has a big plan for us and we want to be in the best place to carry it out!

I love you all and have been missing the Coker and Johnson families so much lately. Jenell and Jen, please tell your families "hey" for me and give the kids my love.

FLORIDA

My parents are moving ahead with their plans to move to Florida. They are putting on offer in on a house today. Wow, how weird!

Read my previous post if you haven't yet. It is new too. It will give you a much better perspective on my feelings and "processings" about all of this.

Anyway, I have so much to think about and process right now. Like what will life be like without any of my family here? (Jason and Kris will probably be going soon too.) Will we end up moving? (It is more of a possibility in Owen's mind than ever before.) If not, what will Owen do for work if Dad decides to close the business? Or, if he doesn't close the business, can we handle running it ourselves? So much to think about.

I'd love your prayers as always. The best part though, is that through all of this unsurety in my world, I still have peace and joy. I could never have said that a week ago!

God Bless You All.

GOD'S TOUCH

Owen and I made the trip to Colorado to visit Pastor Lee Eddy who has a unique ministry. He basically facilitates people in listening to God. We went there because my depression was spiking and anxiety was becoming a problem.

The story is too long and personal really to tell all the details here, but I will tell you that God touched my life intensely. He spoke to me about my worth and His plan for my life. Because of some unspoken lies which I had created due to some childhood situations, I felt like my life held no worth and therefore denied myself the possibility of being used by God. Without worth there can be no plan. I believe that God has freed me from depression and anxiety.

I have to sometimes go back to Him to ask Him to tell me the truth when old lies start to creep in, but I am hearing Him and believing Him! In particular, I was worried that this would not be lasting because last year at the ladies retreat I felt so good when I returned home. I had been given great prophecy (now remember, on this most recent trip I heard from God myself!) and I hoped I was better (now I believe it!), but with life as it is I fell back into despair. So, I asked Him straight up about this. He told me, "That was a glimpse, this is the real thing."

I have a hope and a future! I have peace in my heart.

The funny thing is, I am home and life is still life. My world is not suddenly perfect and without challenge, but I have peace. I know that God is going to use me to minister to other people lost in depression and despair. I am really excited about it!