Tuesday, October 25, 2005

My baby girl is six! Wow. How does time travel at such varying speeds? I can't figure out "where the time went", but I also can hardly remember life without her...

She was glowing yesterday. It was like the day was truly just for her; created soley on her behalf. I remember feeling that way as a child. The feeling of such intense excitement and having the world seem to actually revolve around me. You could see it in her eyes. The hope, the joy, the ease of being six. Now, this has never been my favorite age. Honestly I think that most six year olds have an incredible ability to be annoying! Not to say that Mazana does not possess this gift, but I can see really liking six. I can see such life in her. She has a lot of things worked out in her head, but has not experienced enough to ruin any of it yet. I love seeing her learn. She is sounding things out, she is adding with ease and contrary to Mazana at three, she is a social butterfly. She has tons of friends. It was so much fun watching her at her birthday party last night, playing with all her little girlfriends and one boyfriend. Tanner is his name and she calls him her boyfriend. He is so sweet and such a little gentleman. They hang out together all the time at school. He is the only boy from school she invited to the party and evidently, according to Tanner's dad, Tanner had the option to invite one person to Hollywood Connection for his birthday (December 9th) and he chose Mazana! We'll see if that decision sticks.

The past few weeks I have settled down and have been truly enjoying being a mom. Not to say that it is no longer difficult, obviously, but my kids are bringing me such joy. I just need to figure out how to get out of the house on time. This is where the yelling comes in to effect at our house. I have an extremely difficult time keeping it together when we're late which seems to be all of the time. So I must yell a lot too! I just want them to focus. How do you get them to focus? Get your shoes on, get your shoes on, GET YOUR SHOES ON! I probably need to spank them more because I have been repeating myself too much. Anyway, being a mom really is great, isn't it?

Thursday, October 20, 2005

These are from September. Just a little writing whenever I felt inspired. I have been carrying a small white notebook in my purse...

#1: The heartache of the world settles to a place of hope and need. And everyone goes searching for what they do not know to find a compromise of peace in which survival lives. A hope they have yet to understand, but suddenly walk with. There is a beauty that shines so brightly that no one can see. And so they must truly trust the leader who holds their hand. As they walk blindly to the home they have never known they get to know their own hearts and what they hold. At this point the choice is set before them to trust this leader and hope to find the mountain's peak or to end the journey, find no glory and live forever inside mediocrity.

#2: Tomorrow holds a dream bred by thought. Birthed by determination the dream envelopes reality and all is transformed. The world knows hope and learns to fight for this dream become reality. Without the fight all is lost and the dream becomes a nightmare we all must live.

I can't figure out how to title my posts. Someone please teach me.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Today is overcast and a little rainy. The winter's start is looming ahead. I want to be excited for the change, but I'm not quite there yet. It's not the cold so much as the inconvenience of it all...scraping windows, preheating the car, bundling-up kids (and self), etc. You all know the drill. I must remind myself of the fabulous memories I get to make with my family in the midst of it...sledding, snowman(girl) making, skiing, snowshoeing, etc. Winter is fun, it just takes energy, but so does summer.

Life takes energy. That is what it boils down to. ENERGY. Available or not? I have always wanted to be one of those bubbly, energetic people who run around all the time and never seem to get tired. I bet they sleep really well at night, too. But, God made me who I am and I am learning how to use myself most effectively. The most effective way is for me to have a nap each and every day, just kidding! I rarely nap these days, which makes them that much more enjoyable when I do.

Enough about that. I went on a date Saturday! It was so much fun. An old-fashoined movie and dinner. We saw Flight Plan at a matinee and went to Wendy's for dinner. (A date on a budget!) It was so nice to spend some time with my man.

Tristan got a haircut! We're talking inches lost. It is up around his ears and all messy on top. Very cute! He looks about two years older than he did when we walked into the salon. I thought maybe it was time, but you never know, I might grow it long again.

This is funny- my kids got Power Ranger costumes at Kid to Kid. Mazana's is pink and Tristan's is blue. They look hilarious, but they love them and I only spent $9.00.

Life is ticking...may the sun shine through your clocks into your lives.

Friday, October 14, 2005

My legs are so sore I can hardly walk, especially down the stairs. The funny part is that it feels strangely good. I guess because I know that I have done something beneficial for myself in order to get this way. Just think of working out with Jason and what that will involve. All I know is that I workout harder now than I ever have before and I see muscle, especially in my arms, that I have never seen before. I really like muscles!

On another note, this whole budget thing is very exciting. It is incredibly stressful at times, but the prospect of being out of debt is insanely enticing. So, the deal is that we are going to have to work our butts off for awhile. I am going to be working at the office for two and a half to three days per week and when winter comes probably four nights as well, right now I am only working two nights. I was trying to phase out of the whole restaraunt thing, but we decided it was not the wisest thing to do right now. Please pray for endurance for me. I feel very busy now and I know that the winter is going to be many times more hectic. I feel new hope for life and that hope is what makes me think that I can do this.

The world is spinning, twisting, swirling around and I stand in the center solid and unmoveable. My chin raised, my shoulders back, my heart steady, I can not be touched. Can you see it? Can you feel it? The power that races from outstretched arms. There is no waivering in hope.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

The Fairy Tale Lives

So you all know how I have been so disappointed by the lack of fairy tale in real life. It has created much sadness and depression in my heart. All that I thought the world to be had somehow been crushed by reality.

I had the most amazing experience this past weekend. I went to a women's retreat at Bear Lake with the Mountain Vineyard. Pam Wright was our guest speaker for the weekend. She is very gifted in the prophetic. She gave me a really great word from God.

But what I want to tell you about is something that another woman I met told me about. She was praying for me and said that she saw God (I think she said the King) taking my hand and leading me onto the dance floor. She said that he was taking me out to show me off as His bride. Afterwards we were talking about dance and the power and the warfare and I mentioned how I deal with depression. I talked about the fairy tale idea I had about life and how I had been hit really hard by reality. She started to tell me something else, but I got called away. So the next morning I went back to talk to her and thank her for the things she had told me the night before. This is where it gets really good, she said that I don't have to let go of the fairy tale, that in many ways it is part of who I am. She said that she believes that fairy tales are prophetic! There is a princess (us), the evil that comes against her (the world and Satan) and a prince (Jesus) who comes to rescue her and takes her to live happily ever after (in Heaven!). This was so exciting for me because I feel like it bridges the gap between the two people I feel I have been; the one who believes in the fairy tale and the one who feels betrayed by it. The problem was that I had forgotten about the dragons in the fairy tales...

So life goes on and I get my fairy tale.

P.S. Owen liked this analogy as well because it freed him form having to live up to the expectation of the prince in shining armor.